Ask Marvin

I’m thinking of coming out. I’m not sure as what, but I feel it could do wonders for my profile. Should I do it?

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I have spent years being overlooked and hiding in the shadows. Promotions have passed me by, parties have happened without me, and no one calls to see how I am. I’m thinking of making a statement by coming out and exposing the real me, but I haven’t quite worked out what that is yet.

Thanks, Dave.

Marvin answers: Whilst coming out could raise your profile, you need to be clear what you’re exposing and why. Although it worked for Philip Schofield, he was clear what he was revealing and had Holly Willoughby to hold his hand. (I might have come out for that honour).

Sometimes shouting about something that others find a little strange might actually make you less appealing. That’s no way to impress someone, if that’s why you’re doing it.

So if you’re going to expose the ‘real you’, you need to be prepared for it to go either way. Coming out is not to be done lightly, especially when we’re supposed to be staying indoors during lockdown.

What are you coming out with?

The real, burning question though, my young Donald Duck, is what is it you’re hiding that subconsciously you want to expose?

Coming out as David Bowie
Come out…don’t hold it in

You see, it sounds to me like you’ve been suppressing something for some time. You’re now at the point you want to make it public. So although you say you don’t know what it is you want to shout about, I think you do.

Now it’s unlikely to be something terrible. Nowadays it’s difficult to shock anyone. I remember telling people about how I folded socks before climbing into bed. The horror quickly subsided to a bemused smile before people switched off and forgot about it (and me) completely.

It can’t be that bad

From the tone of your email, it’s not likely to be something sexual, unless you’re doing something strange with online porn (or erotica as posh people like to call it). No, I think you’re more likely to be in the strangely dull category. Three nipples? Deformed toes? No. Not that either.

I think you may have some sort of fetish, or a hobby you don’t want to admit to. Train sets? Lego? They’re ok to admit to being passionate about. Secretly everyone loves a bit of Lego, however much they deny it.

Perhaps it’s an act of rebellion to the way you are, or people think you are. Maybe you want to be silly. Or sensible. Something different to what you are today anyway.

Coming out shouting – it’s the healthy option

Repressing inner feelings and desires is unhealthy, and you may be pleasantly surprised when you reveal all.

It would be a bit like me pretending to be someone I’m not for no good reason. Like my name isn’t really Marvin and I’m not really a life coach. I mean, keeping all that bottled up inside could be enough to drive some one slightly mad. And no one would want that.

So whatever your particular special thing is, I think you should identify it clearly. Understand yourself first. Then, once you’ve done that, come out shouting.

Somewhere in this world of several billion people there will be at least one person who appreciates your oddities and shares your passion. Without telling people what they are, they’ll never find you.

Shout it out, find your friends. Go girl/boy/tbd.

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