Ask Marvin

I’ve been learning the guitar and now dream of being a rock star. Am I too old to rock n’roll?

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Being a rock star worries me. I’m just a tad over 50 and play a bit of guitar. I am thinking of putting some of my stuff out there on Spotify, but am apprehensive lest I become unexpectedly popular and famous. Now, I do enjoy the odd pint or two at the local, but I am not sure how I would cope these days with the resulting drug-fuelled orgies and multiple contiguous sexual relations with younger ladies. Should I just keep on strumming alone at home or chase my rock star dream?

Yours, Old Goat

Marvin’s Answer:

Old Goat, I’m not sure what planet you live on, but all that strumming alone at home has created an unrealistic fantasy in your head. The chances of you becoming a rock star are slightly below an asteroid striking earth and wiping out the dinosaurs (like you) who seemed to have survived the previous impact.

Being a rock star is now my dream, am I too old?
Too old to rock n’roll….too young to join a bowls club?

Age appropriate alternative activities to being a rock star

While it’s great to have a fantasy that you can hold on to as you enter your midlife, you might want to consider some more realistic ones than being a rock star.

I don’t know whether for example you have considered your local bowls club, bridge club or pub quiz team as suitable alternatives to the activities in your question. You are much less likely to get hurt (physically or mentally) and you might find the conversations more rewarding. Before you know you’ll be fantasising about the closeness of your balls , winning tricks or knowing the answer to the speed of WW1 battleships.

If being a rock star is to get your balls played with, you might want to try bowls instead
Playing with balls your thing? Try bowls.

It also means you won’t be boring your friends with tales of what could be, or playing them your latest Neil Young compositions, when they’d actually be a whole lot more interested in whether you bid no trumps or spades on your last rubber.

Surviving your midlife crisis

And when you say “a tad over 50” that suggests to me that you’re someone who’s struggling to come to terms with their middle age, and impending descent into decrepitness. There’s plenty of advice around surviving a midlife crisis like yours, but I would suggest a couple of immediate things that could help here, such as:

  • hanging out with a younger crowd, as that can make you feel younger too. Some of my friends are as young as 43.
  • becoming more generous. Giving is a gift as they say. Next time you go to your pub, buy the drinks. You’ll feel better, and so will your friends.
  • exercising. For example, dancing is a good and fun exercise at any age, as long as you don’t embarrass people with your dad / pole dancing.
  • being with people who have positive energy and ideas, and ditch those who are only interested in history or don’t contact you.

You can still be happy and serve a useful role in society without engaging in “drug-fuelled orgies”. Well that’s what I keep being told anyway.

Good luck. Keep in touch.

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