I am quite stressed. I have heard all about this Coronavirus thingy, and the lockdown rules from reading the Daily Telegraph. However, I have a whole lot of Marigold seeds that need planting and fertilising, so I desperately need compost. Can I drive to the shop to buy some? Maybe on the way to get my car cleaned, or serviced even?
Mrs C, Senior Exec, Big Business
Mrs C, it’s very easy to live in a bubble. Inside the bubble everything is fine. The sun shines, the rain comes at night and your lovely plants grow. Some of my friends lived in bubbles for years before they burst. It’s not pleasant when it happens. In fact it’s a bit like popping a blister. But I need to pop yours.
The lockdown rules
I’ve watched the news too. Admittedly not through the lens of the Daily Telegraph, but then I’m not a senior executive. Anyway, the news I heard seemed to suggest that going out to get compost wasn’t high on the essential travel list. Especially not via a car cleaner.
To help you there are some simple questions you can ask yourself that form part of the lockdown rules.
Is it for food? No. Is it for medical supplies? No. Is it for exercise? No.
If you answered “no” to all those questions then I would suggest, along with the government, police, health workers and well wishers, that it probably isn’t an essential journey.
(I know you’re going to argue that lifting the bag into the car, carrying it into your extensive backyard and then doing the gardening, is exercise, but there are other things you can do. Walk a dog. Ogle Joe Wickes. Skip.)
It’s simple. Stay home. Save lives.
Marigolds aren’t worth breaking lockdown rules for
That aside, who gets their car cleaned before putting compost into it? The bags are always split and you’ll end up with a car full of dirt.
As an idea you could kill a couple of birds here with one stone. If you’re so bored you’re resorting to planting Marigolds (apparently only usually found on roundabouts anyway), why not clean your own car instead.
Wear Marigolds, don’t grow them
Maybe you could wear a pair of Marigolds rather than growing them. It could become a new lockdown craze. Photos of “me and my Marigolds” could become an Internet sensation. The Daily Telegraph readers’ version of Tic Toc. Or something else. I’m sure there is a whole army of middle age men for whom “lady wearing Marigolds” would top their Internet search history.
Lockdown rules save lives
Anyway this could be the first time I have tried to save someone from a serious illness, but in this instance I feel I should try.
If none of the above work for you, please spend some time reading the rest of the blog, ask questions, contribute or contact me for further advice. I can even help you make effective tea and biscuits. Always a good distraction.
Oh, and have you heard about my hip?
So stop yourself from acting on these unhealthy desires, and leave such thoughts to your imagination.
Stay safe. Please.
Anyway, I’m off to do an Internet search on ladies in Marigolds…research purposes only of course.